Video Credit: Kevyn Tapia
What is your story?
Growing up in a single-parent home with a mother who was anything but the present, was difficult. Adding that there were 4 other siblings in our house at the time made it almost impossible and sadly the pain and hardships didn't end there. Being forced to provide and care for your then 5-year-old brother by stealing money from people to buy things that are closely associated with a 7-year-old, like twinkies and orange soda, took a heavy mental toll on me at a young age. My older siblings were trying to find their own ways of dealing with their turbulent lives and weren't mature or intelligent enough to look after me and my younger brother while my mom couldn't. After finding out my absent dad had also fathered my cousins, my older brother, Isaiah, tied me to a chair and attempted to set me on fire. My grandmother finally had enough and took legal custody of me and my younger brother. My grandmother has had her fair share of battles in life and did herself contribute to mine and my younger brother's early childhood trauma, due to her mental illness and fits of rage. I am 21 now, and despite everything that has happened to me that I shared and more, I still have an unshakeable desire to move forward.
How has your story impacted who you are today?
My story has impacted me in more ways than I have ever noticed, until now. I have become someone obsessed with knowledge and understanding, in a family defined by drug and alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, and high school dropouts. I feel a responsibility to end the cycle of hatred and unhealthy behavior that has stained my family's lives forever, and everything I do is in preparation for when I start my own family one day.
What has your mental health journey looked like?
My mental health journey has been one that has primarily existed in mystery. My early experience with therapy was hurtful to my mind since my grandmother insisted she be there for mine and my brother’s DCFS mandated therapy sessions to ensure that neither I nor Madison attributed any of our pain and sorrow to her. Due to this, therapy was less of a way to help me and more of a 2v1 assault on everything I had seemingly done wrong in my life, even as a 7-year-old. I was defeated but I learned to bottle my feelings up and turn them into a rage as a child, using things such as sports to exercise my godly amounts of sadness and aggression. As a teenager, I struggled with invalidating myself of the hardships I'd be through, constantly telling myself "It could be worse", "stop crying", "accept people aren't good for you and move on", and never really allowing myself to feel those feelings. Now as a young adult, I am enrolled in an awesome therapy program and have begun the process of allowing myself to feel, accept, and manage so then I can strive to move on from my trauma.
What encouragement would you give to someone who shares a similar story?
Situations like this are never easy. Adults are supposed to be that overwhelming sense of protection and love in children's lives, but when they're more cold and distant it can make adjusting hard. Being so thirsty and dehydrated at 6 that you begin crying yourself to sleep on the bathroom floor because even the water had been cut off after all the other utilities, due to your mother using the bill money on drugs, is a hard story to tell. But for anyone who has a similar upbringing to mine, remember that no matter how far or how fast you run, you'll always bring yourself with you. This being said, allow yourself to feel, mourn, accept, and move on. The past doesn’t get easier but the future doesn’t have to get harder.
Photo Credit: Mya Rose
